Consimema Capsule Reviews: Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides

Consinema Rating: Three out of five Popcorn Bags

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Title: Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides

Director: Rob Marshall (Nine, Chicago, Memoirs of a Geisha)

The Pitch: Like all the other Pirates films, except almost comprehensible.

Plot Summary: Captain Jack Sparrow goes looking for the Fountain of Youth and (are you ready to be astonished?) FINDS it!! But (are you ready for THIS??) it doesn't actually work out very well. Amazed? No, you're not.

The Verdict: Look, you know exactly what you're gonna get here. Johnny Depp's superbly, weirdly fey Jack Sparrow is in fine form, stuff blows up, the locations are great,  and the plot makes as little sense as any of the others.
Fortunately, we like that kinda stuff.

What shines? A hilarious attack by carnivorous mermaids - think "Jaws" meets "The Real Cancun: Girls Behaving Badly". In 3D, yet!

What sucks? The storyline is still impossible to explain five minutes after exiting the theatre.

Watch For: a very brief scene in which Johnny Depp imitates Orlando Bloom imitating Johnny Depp. Also, cutlasses bursting through doorways in 3D are never to be disparaged.