Consinema Reviews: Transformers - Less Than Meets The Eye

Rating: 1.5 popcorn bags (out of 5)

Title: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Director: Michael (Big Bang) Bay (Armageddon, Pearl Harbour)

The Pitch: Toy Story Meets Godzilla In Chicago

Plot Summary:This year we learned in X Men that Mutants caused the Cuban Missile Crisis: now we learn that Robots were behind the Apollo Missions.

The Verdict:

We have a theory. A handful of heroic studio executives kept Smash-Bang-Boom director Michael Bay locked up in a secret dungeon while J.J. Abrams (Star Trek, Lost)  shot the first hour of this film. To your surprise, the plot begins to unfold with a little sly humor, some amusing nods to conspiracy theorists and past SF films, and the introduction of some amazingly good actors apparently having great fun in some delightfully over the top cameos and minor roles (John Tarturro! Frances McDormand! John Malkovitch!)

And then Michael Bay escapes, kills JJ Abrams, and, bent on revenge, spends the next hour destroying both the city of Chicago and whatever wit, narrative or fun was generated in the first hour, in 3D. It is stunning: and we do NOT mean that in a good way. 

What shines? Leonard Nimoy's voice as a Giant Evil Robot. Too bad they couldn't get Shatner to play a Decepticon.

What sucks? the fact that you paid to watch one hour of Hasbro Action Figures with delusions of grandeur and an insane production budget throw buildings at a camera. Will you NEVER learn?

Watch For: One lovely series of shots of parasailing good guys floating through Chicago.